FIBROMYALGIA FLUMMERIES

by Jeanne Hambleton ©

I didn’t! I won’t and I am not telling everyone I am 110. Can I help it if I am 109 and only look 55? Well that is my story and I am sticking to it. Believe if you will? How do you feel when you try to join something on the website and it asks for the date of your birth, as obligatory. I tried putting 2005 but was then ticked off for trying to join under the age of 18. Can you believe that? I am surprised how intelligent these automatic machines are these days. I don’t mind folk knowing I am a Scorpion and that I share my birthday with a certain Royal personage but when exactly I made my debut into this world, should really concern my parents and me. And a proper gentlemen would never ask a lady’s age. But there are not many of these about these days.

Have you noticed how banks and on-line finance companies ask for your date of birth – how secure is that with everyone else demanding to know information about your arrival? But here is a funny story about age, which came my way, and I can really believe it happened.

It was the fourth birthday of little William and Mummy had arranged a children’s party, ably watched by Grand-dad who played a little gentle football with the boys… he felt that was about all he could manage at his age.

Standing quietly in the kitchen and recovering his composure, Granddad was suddenly confronted by little William, the birthday boy. Grand-dad asked William, “How old are you today William?”
Proudly the little boy stretching to his full height, said, “I am four.”

After a moment William asked his Granddad the same question. Granddad said he was many years older than William and he was 70. William thought for a minute, looked up at his Granddad and said, “So are you dead then, Grand-dad?”

It sort of gives you that past your sell by date feeling. However if you are a fibromite you constantly feel as if you are past your sell by date. You struggle to put on foot in front of the other when you get out of bed due to stiffness. You walk at a snail’s pace while everyone else flies past you. Heaven help you if you sit in what friends describe as “a nice comfortable chair”. Like a beached whale, you get down, struggling to balance the hot cup of tea you have been handed, but getting up is a whole new scenario. Bet you know the feeling –bin there, dun that…I now look for a hard dining room chair – not so far to travel up.

And if you have to get down on the floor to reach something (in my case for my young grandson), which has fallen out of reach – an hour later you are still looking for something to grab that will take your weight. But never mind – you just have to see the funny side of it. The moral of this story is to make sure you have a dining room chair close by to help you get up but before you get down.

But forget about all of the what-ifs and read George Carlin’s views about growing older. I have just learned he has a website about becoming “suddenly senior” (www.suddenlysenior.com). Enjoy!

VIEWS ON AGING by George Carlin
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
“How old are you?” “I’m four and a half!” You’re never thirty-six and a half. You’re four and a half, going on five! That’s the key.
You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
“How old are you?” “I’m gonna be 16!” You could be 13, but hey, you’re gonna be 16!
And then, the greatest day of your Life . You become 21. Even the words sound like a Ceremony. . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now, you’re just a sour-dumpling. What’s wrong? What’s changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it’s all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.
But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn’t think you would!
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
You’ve built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it is a day-by-day thing – you HIT Wednesday!
You get into your 80’s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn’t end there. Into the 90’s, you start going backwards – “I Was JUST 92.”
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. “I’m 100 and a half!”
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out non-essential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay “them.”
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. “An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.” And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it is family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9 Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county or to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. We all need to live life to its fullest each day.

That is true especially the laughter bit. Get out the old photographs and have a giggle at the fashions. Look at that hairstyle. Do you remember Auntie Elsie fell over at the wedding? What about that holiday we had at Canvey Island? Remember when we rode all the way to Southend on our motorbikes to buy one of those special ice creams and what about the things we did before drive drinking became law.

If you have no one to share a laugh with, talk to yourself in the mirror. You can always pull a few funny faces – no one is looking. My son believes people who talk to themselves meet a better class of person…. I have no comments about that. I should add he does talk to himself – all the time. You could always have a look at http://www.suddenlysenior.com where you will find a few laughs.
I’ll be back soon with some more rambling about FM and living with it.

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